Comfort zone or growth or both?

Comfort zone

I’ve worked in my comfort zone for 15 years. My comfort zone is called global health, and I keep going back to it. I have at times taken roles that include other areas (e.g. humanitarian or education issues), and I have also moved around somewhat within global health (between organisations, but also in roles ranging from policy and campaigning to fundraising and governance).

Growth

A year ago, I decided I needed to take a step back from this comfort zone, and founded Partners for Impact (PFI) as a platform to work on broader development and humanitarian issues, but also dive deeper into the partnership and impact dimensions of these sectors.

Having worked in large organisations with rather rigid division of labor (“You do communications? Then you can’t do policy!” or “You do advocacy? Then you can’t have a say on communications!”), I craved for a more fluid role that would allow me to have more of a say on the big picture, but also explore how different parts came together to create a whole, or to think and connect out of the usual silos.

I also wanted to try something that didn‘t feel automatic and easy. There‘s often fear involved in trying new things, and I wanted to explore and overcome some of those fears. Including fear such as: do I offer any value without a brand and institutional affiliation? Will I still be able to connect to colleagues and discussions around me? Will I be able to meet my basic financial needs? Will I feel proud of what I do and say? Will I even know what to say?

Covid19 lockdowns struck in full just as I had founded PFI, and the journey so far has involved personal growth in more areas than I had hoped for. How can I work, read, research, conduct interviews, and work with clients when I suddenly have four children at home and no external child- or household care? How can I connect with partners and clients when I can‘t travel?

In some ways I was very lucky, having an incredibly supportive professional network, and colleagues and partners who believed in my work. I had to take a step back with and slow down PFI’s public advocacy and knowledge-sharing side, but was still able to work on a number of interesting projects.

The pull of Covid19

As the year passed, I increasingly found myself furious about global inequities with Covid19. I kept writing about vaccine inequities in particular through this private blog, and found myself engaging more and more again on social media, advocating for vaccine coverage for everyone.

I found myself turning down a number of projects that were not directly related to global health, justifying this by not having enough time – but finding hours on end to rant about the injustices in vaccine coverage on social media.

This strong pull keeps reminding me of my comfort zone. It’s also my passion, and what makes my blood boil. Seeing people die from preventable diseases or causes still makes me cry and I can‘t stop myself from engaging.

Comfort zone and growth

I find myself in a luxurious situation, where I get to do both: grow and dwell in my comfort zone. I can ramp down my project load (knowing I’ll have more projects down the road later, or a job if need be) to deal with family issues and Covid19 lockdowns – or to spend some time writing on global health, most recently co-authoring with Kent Buse an article in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) on the G7’s failure on global health.

And I can then pivot back to my work on partnerships, researching for and writing articles for the PFI website and newsletter, and working with partners on improving their partnership work and impact.

I’ve come to realise I don’t need to make a choice: comfort zone or growth. I can do both.

Looking for a suitable image for this blog, I found Alex Honnold’s quote on expanding his comfort zone by tackling fear until the fear is gone. It resonated, even if my journey doesn‘t involve any of the risks, dedication, skill, or glory of Free Solo (a brilliant must-watch film).

Thanks again to everyone who has been supporting this journey, and also colleagues and strangers who keep reaching out. It has been challenging but worthwhile. And every day that I can speak out and know this is my own voice is a day I cherish.